DO YOU, OR CAN YOU COMFORTABLY ANALYZE THE SITUATION, APPRECIATE ITS PRESENCE, AND MANAGE YOURSELF THROUGH IT WITH CALM AND CONFIDENCE?

OR DO YOU LOSE CONTROL AND …

escape the turmoil or soothe the discomfort using alcohol, medications, designer drugs, or other distracting activities?
escape the turmoil or soothe the discomfort using alcohol, medications, designer drugs, or other distracting activities?
retreat to apathy, defiance, anxiety, self-doubt, or despair because reality seems too boring or too demanding?
retreat to apathy, defiance, anxiety, self-doubt, or despair because reality seems too boring or too demanding?
Push yourself to burnout trying to please others, fit in, gain acceptance, display credibility, or show accountability?
Push yourself to burnout trying to please others, fit in, gain acceptance, display credibility, or show accountability?
become irritable, angry, manipulative, jealous,or hostile trying to suppress the situation or the other person?
become irritable, angry, manipulative, jealous,or hostile trying to suppress the situation or the other person?

when these things happen, it is easy to feel that you have failed, that you are sick, even that you are bad.

 

this is not so!

These are natural physiological responses that every life form uses.  You use them when your more powerful MENTAL STRENGTH has been compromised.  Then, you can place so much stress on your own physiological “safety net” that they can break and illness results.

Just treating the breakdown or stopping the behavior is not enough.  They are both natural and necessary – when your mental strength has been compromised.  And it can be compromised when something happens to deplete your SELF WORTH, that custodian of mental strength.  It can be:

  • the unkind word from an intimate or important partner
  • an undetermined or unpleasant response of a peer, colleague, boss, or client
  • a new twist or new extension in a responsibility, finances, task, or job
  • a change in your health, physical staminal or wellbeing you cannot determine or reverse immediately

These impositions can erode your selfworth, that custodian of your mental strength.  Without selfworth, you can quickly lose the mental strength to analyze and tackle new conditions, and are forced to rely on instinctual responses that are insufficient.

So it is wiser to find out why your selfworth is vulnerable to these outside forces and fix that than it is to just treat the tired and stressed physiology or avoid the stresses that will always come back – with greater force.

First, let us look at the systems that influence and determine your selfworth.

VALUE SYSTEMS
We use them to guide us on how we should live. But they can constrain us if we make them our master, not our tool
YOUR VALUE SYSTEMS
COPING SYSTEMS
They allow us to survive but they stop us from growing. Relying on them too much can stagnate us or cause us to fail when intelligence is called for.
YOUR COPING SYSTEMS
SUPPORT SYSTEMS
We need them when we are weak. We are them when we are strong. We must know how to use them sparingly and be one constructively.
YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEMS

Now, let us look a little deeper